Chundou:
Who are you?
Why are you here?
It’s funny… I used to ask myself these questions walking to and from class every day. Bridges just do that for me I guess. Sometimes at night, I’d slow down or even stop altogether just to watch the car lights stream down the streets below. My own little cosmic show because at least from my college apartment, I could never see the real stars.
Who are you?
Why are you here?
Sometimes, I would close my eyes.
Sway with the wind.
Listen to the creaking of zooming bikes.
Students shuffling past talking and laughing about this and that–sometimes already drunk especially on a Thursday or Friday night.
Sometimes, I would close my eyes and get lost in all the places that this reality just couldn’t follow anymore.
Who are you?
Why are you here?
I could fly right off this bridge. My hands outstretched could graze the hot, tingling edges of stars. My biology no longer bound by the fleshy prison trapped on this little bridge. The chemistry of my very organism exploding in a series of chain reactions. Every atom of me ebbs and flows in harmony.
Finally… Harmony…
But I’m just here…
I’m just a random Hmong kid at the University of Wisconsin-Madison standing on a bridge.
I’m just headed to an organic chemistry exam with little knowledge of the content despite tutoring, practice exams, and an endless number of YouTube tutorials trying to explain to my too-small brain that
YouTube Chemistry Tutor:
“Anybody can ace organic chemistry if they’re smart enough and work hard enough.”
Monster:
“So what’s wrong with YOU?”
* * *
Chundou internal monolog:
Stop it! Focus focus focus.
You have 90 minutes to not fail this exam. Because if you fail this exam then you fail the class then you don’t get into dental school then you can’t make the world a better place then everybody’s disappointed in you and at that point you might as well just disappear…
Professor:
You have 60 minutes remaining
Chundou internal monolog:
Okay… 60 minutes…
Wait, what the hell have you been doing with the last 30 minutes? God dammit. This is why you suck at everything!
Okay, we can save this. Let’s just look at question 1.
Professor:
Which of the following is a [garbled nonsense]
Chundou internal monolog:
Um. Let’s try question 2.
Professor:
Draw an example of a [garbled nonsense]
Chundou internal monolog:
No! Stop!
Professor:
You have 30 minutes remaining.
YouTube Chemistry Tutor:
“Anybody can ace organic chemistry if they’re smart enough and work hard enough.”
Monster:
“So what the hell is wrong with you?”
Chundou:
I should’ve just jumped.
Chundou:
Hiiiiii all. Apparently this messenger chat already existed but I don’t remember the context of what we were talking about lol
So I got this podcasting fellowship where I get to present my research in an audio storytelling format.
Anyways… I wanted to bring us all together for a little mini roleplay where we would develop a world, characters, and some key struggles and plot points that define our experiences at UW.
So lemme know what you all think.
* * *
Chundou:
We are currently at the teacher education building in the graduate students’ offices about to play session one or episode one, “Welcome to Academia Magicana.”
So I’m Chundou. I am the FreshEd Flux Podcast fellow. My character is Blue, and I’m joined here with my cousins
Leah:
OK, well, my name is Leah and my character is Lucy.
Ruth:
All right. Hi. My name is Ruth. I am cousin number two and I play Minoa.
Belle:
I’m Belle. I am cousin #3, and I will be playing Sweet Pea Harrington. She’s Pea for short
Chundou:
So Magical Girl is a genre popularized by I guess I would say Japanese storytellers mostly through the form of anime and manga. And some tropes of the magical girl, the most common tropes are usually that they’re young girls between the ages of like 10 to 16 usually, so they’re usually teenagers. Their stories are usually very much coming of age stories as well. And, you know, watching it as an adult, you can really kind of pick out how the monster of the week really represents like a different thing that a teenager might be wrestling with at the time.
And so we modeled our own world to be very much like that as well, where our monster of the week is not necessarily things that we were dealing with when we were teenagers, but actually things we were dealing with as we were undergraduate students actually here at UW Madison because all of us went here to UW Madison
Chundou:
So all of our characters get pulled into this world from our own respective universes to learn how to be magical girls. And this is all about our challenges and triumphs of going to magical girls school basically, and trying to figure out who we are, build up our sense of self.
Sense of self… sense of self…. Sense of self…
* * *
Anime Narrator:
Academia Magicanna is brought to you by the crushed hopes and dreams of Hmong students everywhere.
As you know, the Hmong are an ethnic minority group from Southeast Asia and Southern China. Many came to the United States as refugees during the Secret War in Laos which coincided with the Vietnam War.
Political Ad:
And now they’re a drain on American resources. In a free country where everybody can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, why do so many of them CHOOSE to be poor and impoverished.
Surely, there’s something wrong with them.
Anime Narrator:
Episode one: Welcome to Academia Magicana.
Magical Girl Blue Narrating:
“Pssssst,” Minoa whispers, “what’s your name?”
Blue looks around, not sure if the stranger is speaking to him. “Um, Blue?” he answers.
“Nice. I’m Minoa. You’re new too, huh?”
Isn’t that obvious, Blue thought to himself. Though, he intentionally kept it to himself because he was in no position to be snarky or snappy with someone who was likely just as scared and confused as him.
Minoa continues, “What do you think this place is like?”
Blue shrugged. “Beats me. It’s giving me Harry Potter vibes in aesthetic, but the way that lady mentioned perishing makes me think maybe it’s more of a young adult dystopian novel.”
“Sure hope you’re not right about that.”
Minoa glances around. “So how did you end up here?”
“I sucked at everything else, and this seemed like the only reasonable option left. How about you?” says Blue.
“Same basically,” Minoa says with a shrug. “I guess it’s nice to have a friend though.”
Blue reels back from the mention of friendship. In no way could Blue imagine calling this strange young woman a friend already. They barely know each other’s names. Yet, Blue responds with a simple smile.
Because though entirely brief, Blue feels perhaps not so alone anymore.
* * *
Ruth on answering machine:
Hey, Chundou, I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s college going? You wanna hang out and grab lunch some time? There’s a great bahn mi cart by chemistry if you want to try. Let me know. We should catch up.
Ruth:
My name is Ruth. My name is Ruth. My name is Ruth. I am cousin number two and I play Minoa.
* * *
F equals M A.
Force equals mass times acceleration.
Acceleration is velocity over space. I mean time.
The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
A battery is a series of electrochemical cells that generate electric power through chronicle reaction. I mean chemical reaction.
The Darkness:
She can’t even remember things correctly.
Ruth:
F. equals. M. A.
Force. Equals. Mass. times. Acceleration.
Acceleration. Is.
The Darkness:
Such a slow learner. She’ll never be able to keep up.
It’s probably because she’s a GIRL
Professor:
Alright, so this project is going to be worth 80,000% of your grade. This is a group project, and I expect participation from every single one of you.
Bro 1:
Bro, you wanna work together?
Bro 2:
Of course, my brethren.
Professor:
I will be assigning your groups.
Bro 1:
God dammit. You know we’re gonna end up with the GIRL in our group.
Bro 2:
Dead weight.
Ruth internal monologue:
Who even are these guys?
They think I’m deaf. Or they think I don’t speak English.
Bro 1:
I hope we don’t end up with her. We all know girls aren’t as good at science as boys.
Bro 2:
Yah man. At least she’s Asian though.
Bro 1:
Not even a real Asian though. She isn’t even getting A’s and B’s on the exams.
Bro 2:
Bro, really? What does that even make her then?
Bro 1:
I dunno man. But she’s definitely not a real Asian.
Professor:
The first law of thermodynamics. Energy cannot be destroyed or created. Only transferred.
Bro 2:
Be careful. You might catch human emotions from her.
Professor:
The second law of thermodynamics. White men are the ultimate scientists.
The third law of thermodynamics.
Monster:
No woman will ever be smarter than a man.
* * *
Magical Girl Minoa:
“I will be your end,” the dark presence booms above like lightning splitting the heavens.
“I knew this would be how I died!” Blue cries out.
Lucy crosses her arms. “You predicted you’d die by black lightning killing you in a pocket dimension?”
“You get what I was trying to say,” Blue says, rolling his eyes.
“That thing is going to destroy the school!” Sweet Pea calls out.
Time is running out. Waves of dread chill Minoa to the bone.
“I know what we have to do. We have to do it together!” Minoa says, rallying the team. She takes the hands of her magical companions. Warmth trickles up to her chest.
“We trust you with our power. We believe in you Minoa,” the other three magical girls say in unison.
Minoa looks up to the skies, face to face with the black hole threatening her new home. Her new family.
With resolve, she says, “I know we can do this together.”
* * *
Leah on the phone:
Hey, Ruth, it’s Leah. Just calling to check in. How’s the group project with all those guys going? Are those microaggressions still happening?
Also, what’s with Chundou? It’s like he dropped off the face of the Earth. I wonder how undergrad is going for him. Should we all go to Denny’s? I think it would be good for all of us. Call me when you have time.
Leah:
my name is Leah, my name is Leah, my name is Leah, and my character is Lucy.
* * *
Documentarian:
We open on just a regular day in an office of the Midwestern American university. Office ecosystems are quite diverse but also fragile. Observe here an interaction that has the potential to end in disaster or success for the parties involved.
Supervisor:
I thought I told you to get this done a week ago!
Leah:
Yes.
Supervisor:
Then why isn’t it done?
Leah:
No.
Supervisor:
You know what. Never mind. I’ll just do it myself if you’re going to be this incompetent. Freaking affirmative action kids… so useless
Leah:
Yes.
Leah:
Yes. No. No. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. No. No. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Yes. No. No. Yes. No. No. Yes. Yes.
Yes. No. No. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. No. No. Yes. No. No. Yes. No.
Yes. No. No. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Documentarian:
You see, the Hmong student on the Midwestern American University campus must make one of two choices in all circumstances. That is all that is offered them. Whether more complex decision making is possible for the Hmong student is still under question. After all, previous observations of Hmong students have shown them all to fall into one of two categories. Either they are the perfect student, or they are not.
Thus, it is believed that all Hmong students and Hmong culture operates on a binary system. Not unlike computers actually.
Supervisor in interview:
In my expert opinion as a non-Hmong person who works with a lot of Hmong’s, I’d say the theories are pretty accurate. They really are only capable of simple yes’s and no’s, but that’s almost preferable to the alternatives.
Now Black student workers on the other hand. They’re always getting into trouble. They’re always complaining about this or that. It’s simply disrespectful. And my biggest worry is that it rubs off on some of the Hmong’s. Some Hmong’s in the past have actually spoken back to me, and we simply cannot have that.
This is why I’m so strict. I need to make sure the Hmong’s don’t end up like the Blacks. I need to make sure they’re civilized and fit for society.
Documentarian:
And thus ends the life of this Hmong student in the office ecosystem of the Midwestern American University campus.
Leah:
Yes.
Documentarian:
Such a shame indeed.
Leah:
Yes.
Documentarian:
Such a waste of resources.
Leah:
Yes.
Monster:
Why even try?
Leah:
Yes.
Monster:
Just. Give. Up.
Leah:
…….. No…
* * *
Magical Girl Lucy:
Lucy and Minoa keep their backs to each other, eyeing the haunting spirit as it circles them.
“We have to do something! It already got Sweat Pea and Blue!” Lucy says to Minoa. From the tip of her scepter, she fires off thin light beams to keep the haunting spirit at bay… at least for a few moments longer.
“Team attack!” says Minoa.
Lucy’s grip on the scepter tightens. “I don’t know. I’m not really a team player like that.” says Lucy.
“It’s our only option at this point. Neither of us have the strength alone to defeat it.” Minoa punches into the air and catches nothing but the tail whisps of the spirit. In the free moment as the spirit passes, Minoa holds her hand out for Lucy to grab.
“Alright then.” Lucy says, tentatively reaching for Minoa’s hand.
“Super team atta–”
* * *
Leah:
Hello?
Hellooooo?
Where am I?
What is this awful place?
Whose in charge?!
Leah:
Hello?
Belle on the phone:
Hey Leah. It’s Belle! How is work going? I remember you saying that your supervisor has been a butt to you lately.
Leah:
Yeah, it’s whatever. That’s just life. I think I’m gonna quit. It’s just not a good fit.
Belle on the phone:
I’m really proud of you for making that decision! By the way, have you heard from Chundou at all?
Leah:
Oh yeah, I just called Ruth about that.
Belle on the phone:
I know he was stressed about his ochem exam. I hope he’s not feeling too bad about himself. Let’s visit him. We can make pizza rolls and watch Avatar the Last Airbender.
Belle:
I’m Belle. I’m Belle. I’m Belle. I am cousin #3, and I will be playing Sweet Pea Harrington. She’s Pea for short
Host:
Today, invite you all into the future. What we have for you today is everything you need and more. It is a compliant student. It is a soldier willing to die for our empire. It is a model minority citizen. It is… The Hmong American 2.0.
Through decades of systemic racism, militarization, microaggressions, and just continually telling them they’re not good enough, we have developed the perfect Hmong American. Teachers, administrators, and policy makers at the university have worked tirelessly so that we may all benefit from the new and improved Hmong American 2.0.
Host:
On the stage, we are here to share with you the Belle model. Belle, why don’t you go ahead and introduce yourself.
Belle:
…
Crowd:
(gasps)
Host:
Now folks. I assure you she is not malfunctioning. Her inability to talk back is ingenious design. This is perfection. This is what you all need.
Crowd:
(oos and ahs)
What’s even more perfect is that our university factory can continue to create these Hmong American 2.0 for all of eternity thanks to the generous and continual support of our great empire’s leaders.
Monster:
Ladies and gentlemen! I assure you the answer to all your questions is a resounding YES. The Hmong American 2.0 IS THE FUTURE.
* * *
Chundou in a distant world:
All right. So we’re about to be immersed in the world of magical girls. This is drawn from our background as all magica- magica- magica- magica- magica-
* * *
Chundou:
Who are you?
What are you doing here?
Belle:
Chundou? What are you doing here?
Chundou:
Wait, how did you get here?
Belle:
I don’t know. What is this place?
Chundou:
It’s my imaginary world.
Belle:
So I’m not real?
Chundou:
Not technically. But you’re based on the real version of Belle.
Belle:
Hm.
Chundou:
You’re a lot calmer than I thought you’d be considering I just told you you’re not real.
Belle:
Yeah…I suppose so.
So uh… why are you here instead of the real world?
Chundou:
Oh, you didn’t hear the first part. I failed an o-chem exam. This is where I go when I don’t want to be in real life.
Belle:
I think that’s fair.
Chundou:
It’s a bit weird you’re able to talk to me like this though. It’s almost like you broke through all my self-hatred and got to the core of me.
Belle:
Well duh. We’re cousins.
Chundou:
I’m just so tired. I hate feeling like I’m the stupidest person on campus. I just want to quit. I want to disappear.
Belle:
You don’t really believe that… do you? You don’t really believe any of this… right? I get that the racism and sexism and just life itself can get so heavy… but do you really hate yourself this much?
Chundou:
What else am I supposed to believe? It’s not like school taught me to love myself.
Belle:
That may be true…
But… maybe it could be different.
Chundou:
What are you doing?
Belle:
I’ll show you, but I’ll need some help.
Ruth:
Honey, I’m home!
Leah:
This is a robbery!
Chundou:
Wait. None of you are real. You’re all just figments of my imagination.
Leah:
So what?
Ruth:
Real or not, even your subconscious knows that we would come to save you.
Chundou:
How? What can you even say? What can you even do to save me? Just let me go.
Belle:
We would never do that. We’re here with you!
Leah:
We want to help you.
Ruth:
Try to push us away, and we’ll just keep coming back.
Chundou:
Why do you even care this much?
Ruth:
How could we not?
Leah:
We’re family.
Belle:
We love you
Monsters:
What the hell is wrong with you?
No woman will ever be smarter than a man.
Just. give. up.
Is the future!
Chundou:
See!? How do you plan to take on all of this? Just save yourselves and let. Me. go.
Ruth:
We would never leave you. Even when apart, we’re thinking of you.
Ruth Flashback:
You want to hang out and grab lunch some time? … Let me know. We should catch up.
Leah:
We can take them all if we stay. We’re strongest together.
Leah Flashback:
Should we all go to Denny’s? I think it would be good for all of us.
Belle:
No matter how small you feel, you are part of us. We love you and need you.
Belle Flashback:
I hope he’s not feeling too bad about himself. Let’s visit him. We can make pizza rolls and watch Avatar the Last Airbender.
Chundou:
I can’t do this alone. None of us can do this alone. We do this together.
Cousins in unison:
Super… Team… Attack!
Today we air the next episode of Flux. Chundou Her’s research is on Hmong student experiences at the University of Wisconsin–Madison. It’s significant that UW-Madison is a predominantly white institution in the Midwest of the United States because the Hmong student experiences that Chundou explores is of racism in all its forms – from stereotypical ideas about model minorities, to its links to sexism, and to the many microaggressions common on campus.
